Go ahead Sir. Order that Porterhouse!

It is time to just be honest with everyone Fellas. We like to eat good food and, quite often, that good food is not inexpensive. Even more often, however, that excellent and pricey dish is not the healthiest choice on the menu. Statistically, we men eat less healthy than our beautiful and more intelligent counterparts. Well, if we want to use the most rudimentary 3rd grade arithmetic, this means that one day, women will outnumber us by 80% just because we won’t order that damn Caprese salad. While every single thing would be better to look at, we would have 80% less war and the whole world would make more sense…We just cannot allow this type of imbalance. Why? Because what would happen to the NFL in the year 2084? That’s why! We must, at all costs, keep football. The National Football League and golf (Both playing as well as watching) may be the only things that keep us from all losing our collective minds on Sundays.

So the philosophy that has worked for me for a half of a century or so is the following: 

Eat whatever the hell I want, but in moderation. I am a “seafoodaholic”. Shrimp is tremendously high in cholesterol but if I am out at a swank spot or even Red Lobster, I am prone to prawns. (See what I did there?) Lobster, sea scallops and calamari also never seem to make a successful escape from my fork harpoon. The key here is to recognize “in moderation”. Order that crab stuffed shrimp but only once a week or so.

This will seem like every other fitness advice literature but there is no getting away from the truth of it. Being active and exercising is a must. The motivation for going to LA Fitness or hitting the BowFlex is typically to be healthy and or to lose weight or to build muscle. Remember that this is about NONE of those silly reasons. Going to the gym and exercising at home so that you can wash that 20 oz. slab of medium rare steak down with a glass of Pinot Noir and finish the meal off with truffles is our true goal here.

The most important factor of intelligently partaking in our admittedly manly but overindulgent behavior is knowing ourselves medically. Certain foods will raise our cholesterol level. Others with high sodium content will raise our blood pressure and there are others still that play havoc on our blood sugar level. If you have been counseled by your physician to cut out sodium or watch your cholesterol, etc. then the two prior suggestions of moderation and exercise are completely irresponsible. What is MOST responsible is actually going to the doctor to find out these numbers. It is a proven fact that certain things like ethnic backgrounds predispose certain men to certain conditions. So please make a doctor’s appointment before acting on my suggestions for two reasons. 1. It is simply the smart thing to do and 2. We at Urban Upscale cannot afford to be sued because I suggested that you eat all the cheesecake that you want.

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There are a zillion “eating healthy” advice columns out there. Most of them are valid and useful. Please search for reputable sources if you want to change your diet to plant based burgers from a succulent piece of prime rib.

But my dear XY chromosome brothers-in-arms…

If you want to eat the traditionally delicious standards that you are used to and you have earned the right to eat them and you also want us to continue to be a gender that matters at all in 20 years?

Re-read this article. Take your health seriously. And then go out and order that surf and turf.

You’re welcome.